Day 23 is A letter to someone, anyone!
I am taking this title literally, Writing to no one I know, just to that
someone, anyone who reads and listens.
Dear Someone/Anyone,
Have you ever felt so alone in the middle of a crowd?, That you were
screaming and yet only silence was heard?, That even with your best efforts you
come up short?
I have, I am there now. Even when my rational mind knows that people love and
care for me, I am embarrassed to admit that I feel so isolated and alone.
Everyone in my life is trying so hard to be there for me and yet, as my core
belief whispers to me daily..."It's never enough..."
I feel like I don't deserve those who care for me and love me so. I also
secretly, quietly, at night alone, hope that they would just disappear and then
I could just end it all, knowing that no one will be affected from my exit from
this planet I've called home for 33 years.
This world, this life is way out of balance for me these days. More bad,
evil, ugly, then good. My childhood was not one to make a scrap book of memories
over. I sooner forget it. Not such an easy task. My past has it's hands around
my neck and more times then not I can't breath.
Simply opening up my mouth doesn't offer air to my screaming lungs. Rather I
breath through my skin in the form of red tears. Each scar left when settled
tells a story of torment, abuse, evil, and hate. Love is no where to be found in
these times.
Escaping from my mind happens when the white powder is forced up my nose or
the intake of anything that detaches me from my body. A temporary fix that
leaves me with the same horror I try to escape when I return and with nothing
less then added self hatred.
Another form of escape comes from an uncontrolled place when I sit in a
frozen position. I travel to other times, places, and memories, through
alters/dissociating. "We are one body, many souls." My name is Valynn, I suffer
with addiction (145 days clean today.) I am tormented with an addiction to self
harming. (I cut mostly.) I am a survivor of childhood sexual abuse/rape. (As a
result I live with DID ~Dissociative Identity Disorder.)
If you or someone you know is suffering please know, you are not alone. I am
the living proof that although we suffer many times alone, in silence, we truly
are not by ourselves. Many, so many, can relate. That is why I feel it is so
important to share your story, through words, song, art, pictures. Whatever
outlet helps you breath in a positive way.
So we can be heard not necessarily by others who don't understand but rather by those who do. So we can draw upon each
others strengths to continue to survive. We were victims, we are survivors but together and only truly together can we become thrivers. The people we were meant to be. Our pain and suffering doesn't have to end in vein. We can use it,
to become powerhouses to those who have not yet found their voice.
I love you all, not because I know you, because I am you. Many have walked the same path.
Let us join hands and hearts and help each other feel the love we all deserve as
human beings first and foremost. Keep yourselves safe tonight and hold onto my
hand knowing in this very moment of darkness, YOU ARE NO LONGER ALONE!
In Love and Light,
Valynn ~Safe Hugs~
I am taking this title literally, Writing to no one I know, just to that
someone, anyone who reads and listens.
Dear Someone/Anyone,
Have you ever felt so alone in the middle of a crowd?, That you were
screaming and yet only silence was heard?, That even with your best efforts you
come up short?
I have, I am there now. Even when my rational mind knows that people love and
care for me, I am embarrassed to admit that I feel so isolated and alone.
Everyone in my life is trying so hard to be there for me and yet, as my core
belief whispers to me daily..."It's never enough..."
I feel like I don't deserve those who care for me and love me so. I also
secretly, quietly, at night alone, hope that they would just disappear and then
I could just end it all, knowing that no one will be affected from my exit from
this planet I've called home for 33 years.
This world, this life is way out of balance for me these days. More bad,
evil, ugly, then good. My childhood was not one to make a scrap book of memories
over. I sooner forget it. Not such an easy task. My past has it's hands around
my neck and more times then not I can't breath.
Simply opening up my mouth doesn't offer air to my screaming lungs. Rather I
breath through my skin in the form of red tears. Each scar left when settled
tells a story of torment, abuse, evil, and hate. Love is no where to be found in
these times.
Escaping from my mind happens when the white powder is forced up my nose or
the intake of anything that detaches me from my body. A temporary fix that
leaves me with the same horror I try to escape when I return and with nothing
less then added self hatred.
Another form of escape comes from an uncontrolled place when I sit in a
frozen position. I travel to other times, places, and memories, through
alters/dissociating. "We are one body, many souls." My name is Valynn, I suffer
with addiction (145 days clean today.) I am tormented with an addiction to self
harming. (I cut mostly.) I am a survivor of childhood sexual abuse/rape. (As a
result I live with DID ~Dissociative Identity Disorder.)
If you or someone you know is suffering please know, you are not alone. I am
the living proof that although we suffer many times alone, in silence, we truly
are not by ourselves. Many, so many, can relate. That is why I feel it is so
important to share your story, through words, song, art, pictures. Whatever
outlet helps you breath in a positive way.
So we can be heard not necessarily by others who don't understand but rather by those who do. So we can draw upon each
others strengths to continue to survive. We were victims, we are survivors but together and only truly together can we become thrivers. The people we were meant to be. Our pain and suffering doesn't have to end in vein. We can use it,
to become powerhouses to those who have not yet found their voice.
I love you all, not because I know you, because I am you. Many have walked the same path.
Let us join hands and hearts and help each other feel the love we all deserve as
human beings first and foremost. Keep yourselves safe tonight and hold onto my
hand knowing in this very moment of darkness, YOU ARE NO LONGER ALONE!
In Love and Light,
Valynn ~Safe Hugs~
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